Write On

Under normal circumstances, I don’t let people like Anne Coulter, Bill O’Reilly or Rush Limbaugh bother me in the same way I’m not particularly annoyed when say, a crazed homeless man calls me a FBI informant zombie whore. One must consider the source before activating angry jet rockets and most days I consider being accused of being a zombie hooker a mighty compliment. Though now and then, I’m compelled to smash my radio with a mallet.

Imagine my shock to learn CNN had video just in of Mr. Limbaugh doing a rant on Obama wherein he makes the following statement:

“I hope he fails.”

I’ve taken the bullet for you dear readers and watched it fully to spare you the migraine but if you think I’ve made it up or embellished in any way, here's the transcript:

 http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,481484,00.html

 I’ll further spare you 15,000 words on my very low opinion of Mr. Limbaugh and how offended I am that any citizen would sincerely hope Obama flops, never mind one with a radio show. To pray Obama fails is like hoping our bus driver will crash into a house. Persons for or against him surely realize that he must succeed and we need to help him by doing our part. Until it’s clear what that part is, we’re stuck with hope for lack of an alternative. How dare this gigantic wind bag hope he fails?

Oh yeah? Mr. Rush Limbaugh -I hope you fail.

I hope you fail to enamor “conservatives” and anger “liberals.” I hope your divisive words and incessant blubbering about right and left choke you around your 42 inch neck. I’m not falling for it anymore. Ideas aren’t the property of two sides or two parties. I have conservative ideas and liberal ideas and as far as I know this makes me a person with ideas in my noodle. This does not automatically enroll me in some idiot mob mentality club with a newsletter, party affiliation certificate and at least one radio show. I’m not a Republican and I’m not a Democrat. I am a human being thank you very much. I hope Obama succeeds because when he succeeds, I do too.

Love him or hate him, Obama is the President of the United States. He has the worst temp job in the history of mankind and has four short years to work on complicated, unbearable problems. It took me longer than that to graduate from college.

I also take great comfort in knowing that it impossible to fuck things up worse than the man who gave us the last eight years. That’s a huge bonus.

Rush Limbaugh gets paid to agitate and seduce in the same way liberal personalities irritate and cajole. Both sides are equal opportunity bullshitters and none of it is helpful. We do not have the luxury of time to hope anything or anyone with a solution fails. Ideas aren’t personal property and I say “let the best idea win.” The “party” I’m with has nothing to do with it. And don’t just take my word for it. Here’s what Mark Twain said about political parties (**Warning: Mark Twain knows everything and failure to agree with this fact will get you kicked out of my house after I mace you in your pie hole) :

Look at the tyranny of party--at what is called party allegiance, party loyalty--a snare invented by designing men for selfish purposes--and which turns voters into chattles, slaves, rabbits, and all the while their masters, and they themselves are shouting rubbish about liberty, independence, freedom of opinion, freedom of speech, honestly unconscious of the fantastic contradiction; and forgetting or ignoring that their fathers and the churches shouted the same blasphemies a generation earlier when they were closing their doors against the hunted slave, beating his handful of humane defenders with Bible texts and billies, and pocketing the insults and licking the shoes of his Southern master.
- "The Character of Man," Mark Twain's Autobiography

Memo to Limbaugh:

Right and left is the new “back there.” Time to get hip Rushy! It’s a new day and a different time. Last Tuesday Obama put his hand on Lincoln’s bible and took our oath. As you recall, Lincoln didn’t appreciate slavery and dreamed of creating a country without it. Where Obama and that bible intersected was a moment of spectacular grace and American pride that I only thank God I lived to acknowledge and witness.

If that’s failure~ bring it on.